Sweetbirth 101

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Belly laughs! August 30, 2009

Filed under: 1 — sweetbirth @ 2:00 pm

laughing preggo

 

Everything to do with pregnancy isn’t serious, some things are really funny!  This is also true about motherhood.  Those little bundles of joy are so hilarious to watch grow up; from the things they say to the things they do.  For some serious gut-busting laughs, check out this website; you’re in for a treat! http://www.organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/.  Here’s a little preview:

Momolympics Tryouts Begin on Tuesday

 

  You thought high school was bad? Were you shunned by the cheerleaders? Teased by the Pom Squad? Just wait. You don’t even know the meaning of the word humiliation yet. No matter how many boxes of edamame and organic lollipops you buy, the Organic Mommy Cult will never let you in.

  What’s the deal with all the competitive mothering these days anyway? Isn’t being a mom hard enough? Why do mothers feel the need to push each other down in order to pump themselves up? And furthermore, why do moms feel the need to judge their own children based on how they compare to someone else’s?

  The struggles of day-to-day motherhood are difficult enough. Just getting through the day without having to use the Wet Vac six times is an enormous accomplishment, when you have babies and toddlers in the house.

  If we’re going to compete, let’s at least standardize it and make it a legitimate tournament. We’ll call it the Momolympics and we can give prizes that will be useful and validating of our all our mothering efforts like a membership to a swanky gym with free babysitting, a coupon book of fancy date nights, an indestructible DVD player, a live-in housekeeper, earplugs, and hemorrhoid cream.

  So, if you wish to compete in the Momolympics in any of the following categories, please leave a message in the comment section below. Medals and prizes will be awarded on a per-event basis. And we regret to inform that bungee jumping while attempting to dose toddlers with Tylenol is no longer an official Momolympic Sport.
   1. Tastiest organic meal made in under 30 minutes while     holding a screaming infant and doing spin art with a toddler.

   2. Fastest time at removing a single pea from inside a toddler’s nose.

   3. Highest number of relatives called on the phone while simultaneously folding laundry and breastfeeding an infant.

   4. Most emergencies solved by using only the contents of one’s purse and/or diaper bag (potential emergencies may include diarrhea blowouts, cuts and scrapes, hunger in between meals, loss of blankie and/or favorite toy, grape juice explosions, etc.)

   5. Largest number of coherent emails sent in under 10 minutes while keeping two toddlers and an infant entertained without using ropes, hypnotism, straightjackets, Benadryl, and/or TV sedation.

   6. Most beds made successfully with hospital corners within 10 minutes while a team of wild toddlers plays tug of war with your sheets.

   7. Greatest number of seated toddlers entertained during a three-hour airplane flight using only a plastic cup, a bobby pin, and an In-Flight magazine. Immediate disqualification occurs if toddlers remove their seatbelts, stray from the seated position, and/or speak the words “Are we there yet?”

   8. Highest number of wholesome (and edible) snacks carried in a single diaper bag or purse. Additional points received for large amounts of fiber, superfoods, antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals. Points lost for sugar, trans fats, and salt.

   9. Most number of times to successfully do the Chicken Dance while playing Candyland and reciting The Cat in the Hat from memory in under 10 minutes.

   10. Most creative Lego tower built with a five-year-old companion in under 5 minutes, while a gang of crazed one-and-a-half-year-olds tries to thwart your every move.

   11. Tastiest homemade, organic fruit juice Popsicle made with the help of your own children and seventeen of their closest friends.

   12. Fastest time buckling six unhappy and tantruming two-year-olds into five-point harness car seats, while smiling and singing “When You’re Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands.”

 

 

Now that’s what I like to call Laugh Out LOUD funny!!!

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